I’m not going to miss you for the following fucking reasons:
- Rats. Oh god, the rats. They are terrible. Sometimes they make their way into your apartment; other nights they can be seen feasting on other dead rat-roadkill, terrorizing a subway car, or running between trash piles at one in the morning.
- Bed bugs. They suck your blood in the dead of night and hide in bed springs while your away at work, slaving away to afford a Manhattan dwelling space. Speaking of…
- The rent. No one on the island pays less than a grand for 200 square feet.
- Crime. Swear to god the same overweight teenager who swiped my iPhone last year robbed another woman in the LES Chinatown park tonight. Bastard.
- Winter. You haven’t experienced real pain until you’ve walked a mile during a New York winter. I’m talking December, January, February, and March. Bonus if there’s a foot of snow on the ground and/or freezing rain pelting down from the heavens.
- The men. I’ve gone out with some LOSERS.
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